Cocaine is found at the White House, but no one knows where exactly, or who brought it in
by cheblogudo
If you are reading this blog, you are an intelligent consumer of quirky news and you probably know by now that cocaine was found at the White House over the July 4th holiday weekend. So I’ll spare you the obvious “where’s Hunter?” wisecracks, as the real story seems to be the surprising inability of anyone associated with the most secure location in the free world to ascertain where this happened and who is responsible. From Yahoo News:
There have been conflicting reports about where the cocaine was found. When the news first broke, it was alleged that the substance had been found in the White House library. Press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre told reporters on Wednesday that it had been in a “heavily traveled” part of the West Wing. Multiple outlets reported on Thursday that it had been found near the West Executive entrance, a more secure location than previously thought.
Since Ms. Jean-Pierre appeared to suggest that tour groups may have left behind some holiday cheer, Cheblogudo must bring to bear our lived experience with White House tours. These events are carefully planned months in advance, and all participants are vetted beforehand, not to mention thoroughly searched upon entry. They are also mostly Midwestern middle-aged couples and their children, whose idea of a wild party is a night at Dave & Buster’s, not snorting lines off the Resolute desk in the Oval Office. Speaking of which, if you are curious about the history of drug use at the White House, Forbes has an edifying timeline here.
As for the recent incident, unless someone self-reports in an effort to join the ranks of Willie Nelson, Chip Carter and Snoop Dogg, it looks like we may never know who did it.
[M]ultiple reports citing unnamed sources close to the U.S. Secret Service probe of the incident suggested the suspect’s identity might not be determined over the course of the investigation.
cheblogudo 